


call her briar long enough

by Lorical



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Character Study, Internal Monologue, Nott | Veth Brenatto-centric, takes place in the early ep 100s
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 01:40:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29551542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lorical/pseuds/Lorical
Summary: are you losing her true naturewhen you loosen nomenclaturewhen you gift another moniker?...and even though by any other nameher scent would linger sweetly, all the samecall her briar long enoughand you'll tangle up the true and the fable—or: every time the nein call veth nott I get a little sad
Relationships: The Mighty Nein & Nott | Veth Brenatto
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24





	call her briar long enough

**Author's Note:**

> title/summary is from Rose by the Oh Hellos!
> 
> I know it's the actors forgetting and it's Not That Deep but it could be. it could be

She forgets too, sometimes.

Sometimes she glances into a mirror or a flat bit of water and blinks at the soft brown where she was bracing to see poison green. 

Sometimes someone across a room mentions knots, or nuts, and her ears turn to catch the conversation.

Sometimes, Beau or Jester or Fjord or Yasha or Caduceus will call her Nott, and she will respond without thinking about it until the words are out of her mouth and the conversation is moving on or the fight is continuing. 

They only apologize sometimes. 

She doesn't blame them. It can be hard to adjust to calling someone by a new name when you've known them a long time, and, well, she'd decided late that she wanted to be called by her old name again. It was a quiet declaration, as well, a tentative response to the question in the air. It seemed good enough, at the time. She was still adjusting too.

Caleb is better at getting it right than the rest of them–she can't think of a time he's slipped up. Maybe he understands. Or maybe it's just his flawless memory, helping him choose words with care.

Nott is not is Nott, right? It didn't bother her, before she had her body back, before she had and made the choice to return to her body. But now... she's not Nott anymore. She's working on her alcohol problem, and she's much less prone to anger and... intense feelings... than her goblin self, and she's trying not to charge through the traps by herself anymore. She isn't dragging the group into her messes.

So it stings, sometimes, when they forget. 

Her head says it's not their intention, to make her feel small, and that they're simply used to calling her Nott, and that it's not a big deal, really, even if it hurts her in the moment. They're trying.

Her heart just feels tight. 

They'll learn to get it right every time eventually, she knows, and yet there's a part of her that can't help whispering that it's been weeks, almost a couple of months, since her transformation, and they still don't. 

Then again, it has been getting less frequent. Twice from Beau that day, once from Yasha the next... she tries not to count, not to keep track of how casually the name leaves their mouths as the days and weeks pass. It doesn't work. 

So she distracts herself, spends time with the family who have only ever called her Veth, pours her heart into the battle and the teasing, and resists the urge to retreat into her flask. In the quiet moments, though, when she has exhausted every other available activity, she stares at her hands or the ceiling and thinks about it. There will come a day, she knows, she hopes, where nobody will slip up, and she'll forget that it ever happened at all. She won't realize, for a while, and it will simply fade from her mind. 

But for now… it bothers her. Sometimes.

**Author's Note:**

> comments very much appreciated :)
> 
> (veth: wow I feel bad, time to repress it and never consider telling my friends this hurts me because I don't want to inconvenience them)


End file.
